rain

it's raining outside, and i'm kinda shivering inside, serves me right i guess, for wearing berms,

well, lots of disasters in the early days of this last week of august,

katrina, penelope, hattied, and whatever else the americans like to humanify their hurricanes and tornadoes with, destroys lives, property and beliefs,

a mother's young son died in a motorcycle while riding drunk, that's one potential wasted,

many malay teens are getting married and pregnant and then divorcing, all in the bling of an eye- of course the community knows about this crap that's happening, but we choose to sweep the garbage under our tikar mengkuang and only start to be pro-active about it when it's higlighted by others,

the thing about this ancient mentality in our society is, it's better to be married rather than not, all things considered, So you husband drinks and beats you? at least you have a husband, your wives sleeps around with her bosses? it's ok, at least Cik Pah thinkg your marriage is incredible, keep your smile and don't look sad, and god, you are pregnant? it's ok, your 65 year-old father will take care of you while you, 19-year-old husband completes his NS,  ¶ 10:49 am 0 comments

  premature?

things change, what's constant about the world is the continuous flux,
but of course, i'm just reiterating what everyone else probably knows,

so that's the thought that is in my head now - change
stuff changes, for better or for worse, some changes are reversible, most are not,
how do we "fix" the changes against the impossible barrier time? absolutely futile, the attempt would be,

i'm feeling the change now, and i don't want it to be any different, but that would be going against thev very essence of life itself, for isn't life about progress?

and yah, progress, although it means going forward, need not be a good thing, as you go forward, you leave certain things behind, sometimes material stuff, sometimes your sanity and sense along with it,

so it's definitely possible, to progress backwards, although by this oxymoron, i am probably and surely admitting that i'm a moron?  ¶ 12:58 am 0 comments

  mement in the sun

everybody has his\her moments, everybody has sundays which run consecutively, everyone
has moments in the sun where everything runs smooth

so when's your moment in the sun?

has it come yet?
or has it come and gone and you are not the better for it,
or are you still waiting for that particulat moment for the sun to majestically rise and catch you in the face with its rays,

when is my moment in the sun?
the questions has to be in the past tense, for it to be relevant to me,
when was my moment in the sun?

i don't know, i simply don't  ¶ 3:07 am 0 comments

  free trial

i can't help but notice that there're lots of free trials going on at the moment - want to lose weight? why don't you come in for a free first session, how about astig contact lenses, call now for a free trial pair, or revolutionary hyper protective silicon hybrid mens brief, free trial pair for first hundred at a retail outlet near you,

why can't we not have free trial coupons to go on out with anyone we fancy?

think about it,

so let's say every person gets a coupon booklet containing 12 coupons, (so that you won't be jerking off sorrily for 4 weeks in a row)

then he or she can just go up to anyone on the street, someone they fancy, and give that person a coupon, and say "let's go out" in the same spirit as "you got punked"

and that person can't reject you for the penalty would be loosing half of her/his coupon entitlement,

so you go out on a date, and if you don't like the personm you just say, good nite at the end of the date, and that'lll be it, for the both of you,

but if you click, then you go out some more after that, and some more, until the time arrives for you to use you "premium" members only coupons, these coupons go by "we've gone out thrice, it's time to make out" or "it's time for us to seal our relationship with liquid transfer" or something like that, as long as both parties are agreeable,

my, wouldn't that be nice  ¶ 12:25 am 0 comments

  don't look back in anger

different things we do or don't do affect others
what we think of as something, might just be simply nothing,
something that can be anything, can be in fact, nothing at all,
bottom line, when we subconcsiously let ourselves go, and pursue something, be sure, that that something is not nothing, anything but nothing,
of course, when we think too much, we make too much out of anything and that destroys everything,
so let's say we've gone ahead and done something, at the end of it all, we just have to think back,
just look back, and see, what really matters and what's trivial
don't kick yourself on the head for you've done nothing wrong, nothing at all, and neither are you foolish,not silly nor lame,
it;s be foolish and silly and lame regretting what you didn't do later on in the future,
in fact, you're brave for pursuing something that you believe in,
of course, things don't go as well as they should, but what the hell, at the end of the day you have the respect that you don't even think you have,

don't throw it all away,  ¶ 12:25 am 1 comments

  adapated from The price of hate and pardon

“Those are fine words but I don’t know if I am capable of pardoning ingratitude so easily.”
“It’s very difficult. But there is no choice: if you don’t pardon, then you’ll think about the pain they caused you and that pain will never go away. I’m not saying that you have to like those who do you wrong. I’m not telling you to go back to that person’s company. I’m not suggesting that you start seeing that person as an angel or as someone who acted without any hurtful intentions. All I am saying is that the energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.”
“I have been hurt many times.”
“That’s the reason that you still bear within yourself the little boy who cried hiding from his parents, the boy who was the weakest in his class. You still bear the marks of that frail little boy who could never find a girlfriend and was never good at sports. You haven’t managed to chase off the scars of some injustices they committed against you during your life. But what good does that do you? None at all. Absolutely nothing. Just a constant desire to feel sorry for yourself for being the victim of those who were stronger. Or else dress up like an avenger ready to inflict more wounds on those who hurt you. Don’t you think you’re wasting your time with all that?”

"Warrior of the Light, a www.paulocoelho.com.br publication."  ¶ 12:18 am 0 comments

  do not ask

i admit that after a much too long self-enforced strike against the bullshit fare they keep serving on suria, i've actually sat through the first two episodes of this oh so cliched reality television show of a wedded couple, ( of course, god forbid, it couldnt have been conceptualised in the spirit of jessica's and nick's television sham of a marriage)

so the audience sit through a phletora of emotions shown by the protagonist of which there are three basic and most used ones - angry husband, even more angry husband and even more and more angry husband, but watch out, in episode two, the sweety boy nostalgia-ridden husband made its debut and i suspect in the future, the even more sweety boy nostalgia-ridden husband combos will show themselves - all of them, of course, delivered with the same straight face

* not since BG from my grandson the doctor has anyone achived this three in one combination without breaking a sweat,

don't get me wrong, hell no, i'm, not against the husband or his wife or the host or whoever wrote the script for the not so real reality show, ( i mean come on, which wife/woman/girl/ will let her other half choose the colour of her floor tile, without putting up much of a fight? and this after he publically chided her over a petty issue) i'm against nobody,

so the reasons why i'm bitchin the way i'm bitchin is because maybe i'm a fan of a couple of aspects of this abominable excuse for a tv program, asince it is tons better than lots of other shit,

my reasons

one: host - without this big guy, there is no show, i mean besides the slapstick fat guy jokes, and all, this once other half of defunct asia bagus contestants carries the program with his wit, and charm ( don't grudge him charm, look who's his wife, but some say jack daniels played his part) i mean he tried to push boundaries man today by saying that he wanted to tag along when the wife said she wanted to breast feed the baby, and he got away with "apa yang keras? barang dia yang keras rupanya"

two: the wife - i say this to the husband - you're a damn lucky man

so actually, yes after all that bs, i admit that she is the only reason i'm watching the show - to oogle at the person whose name begins with the first letter of the show's title,

here's to a weekly indulgence in telekinetic armchair wanking,  ¶ 11:54 pm 0 comments

  Sleep Not



CRAZY, Yesterday, for the first time in a decade, ancient tombs of battle-gone heroes, and half buried quaint slabs of history, hell, even the ghosts at Bukit Larangan were jolted out of their slumber with the devilish sounds and rock rifts of Slipknot,

Not since the godfathers of rock metal Metallica last played there in 1993 has the former world war two fort and present make-out place for love-lorn couples been treated to such a display of musical arrogance and attitude that defines the Iowan band which as of last year became the best rock metal band in the world according to revolver magazine,

And rightfully so, judging from the band's turbo-charged adrenaline pumping performance yesterday,

From the crazy drum climbing duo of Chris and Shawn aka #3 and #6 respectively, (and might i mention that Shawn uses a baseball bat to continuously batter an empty beer keg soldered to his range of floor toms), to the tremendous energy that is Corey and the rest of the "crazy muthafuckers" as he repeats ceaselessly, their first ever gig in singapore was a 90 minute almost biblical experience, which at the same time renders all the sinners present to hell,

(At this point, the blog degenerates into even more personal bs)

The concert had no enough babes though, although the chick next to me and jumping along, hmmmn was it Sindy or Mindy or Candy, i don't know, was fine,

I'll think i'll audition for slipknot if the opportunity arises. I'll have to kill shawn though, I mean not too hard to be beating the toms and beer keg with a bat. I can do it with my eyes close, Furthermore, he kept swinging his mike to the back, and bat as well, and he humped chris,

i can do that, i'll just include a triangle in my repertoire  ¶ 11:18 pm 0 comments

  slip not?
you know the dream where you sleep and fall and although you feel the rushing wind getting faster and stronger in your face, you never seem to reach the bottom,

well, it seems that i'm still falling, there's no reason why i'm falling, but i just am,

it's not a good thing - it's different from cheesy pick up lines where romeos say to their dumb struck juliets - "i fell when i first saw you, you know, that kind of stuff,

this is different kind of falling, cos i simply don't know the reason i have this sinking thoughts: fuck everything and whatever feelings, i don't care, what happens happens, it is sorta i;ve reached a crossroad after journeying so far searching for that particular X but at that junction, i simply lose sense of where my direction lies,

i think i'm drifting, towards a place whose name i can't say and it's purpose undetermined,  ¶ 12:47 am 0 comments

  running on empty

finished class at 11 just now, didn't have anything to do
sat around, waiting and waiting, then got tired of waiting,
went to the book store, seeing the long list of eager students queing to buy the latest edition of "the underworkings of chemical disorder" or something like that - read: school text, i scooted out of the store - not worth it, to queue up just to pay for a 50 cents pen

talking about 50 cents, the pimp song keeps playing in my head since i heard in from an ah lian shop at jp just now

it started raining on my home in the afternoon - not that kind of torrential downpour we've been getting in the early mornings nowadays over here, but just a light drizzle, the kind where the rhythm is erratically slow, sort of an addictive musical harmony, which soothes and lulls the mind to sleep

where was i, yah 50 cents.

so what can 50 cents buy you in singapore these days,,, not much, but you'll still be able to get these

1, 1/2 hour parking coupon from a stranger in the parking lot,
2, a bagedil from the makcik who'll give you a dirty look and tell you that there'll be someone who won't be able to eat his rice with tha potato patty later on,
3, a ball point pen, the one where you use your thumb to press the trigger for the nib to eject from its holster, which will almost always stain your shirt if you are silly enough to put in in your shirt pocket
4, a packet of sustenance in the form of 3 oreos from the vending machine
5, a pineapple "ceduk" drink from theuncle who sneezes into his hands first before proceeding to complete your order without of course, wiping his hands, that's where the sacharine sweetness of the drink comes from beb

gladly sad that tomorrow's friday i guess  ¶ 7:52 pm 0 comments

  the difference between calculated and uncalculated risk

calculated risk is boring, it is one of the initial stages of the decision making process, you think about taking the risk, and then if there are more pros then cons, you go ahead and make that decision - well that's one instance of calculated risk,

uncalculated risk is the one where you do or die, it is a crime of passion and can occur any time,

uncalculated risk also encompasses and overwhelm sound judgment and logic

uncalculated risk is almost a reflection of the delusional mind behind the decision, one which creates the illusion of hope for the owner of that mind,

anywaym it doesn't mean that uncalculated risk is useless and wrong,

if luck is on your side, uncalculated risk may be the best risk you'll ever take in your life,

just don't do it on consecutive sundays  ¶ 1:14 am 0 comments

  so what

i have a lot of things on my chest, griping opinions on the current state of the world, intrinsic anecdotes of the pain and joy of relationships,

my heart bleeds too, for the dying environment, for the evacuating polar bears in antartica

but i choose not to voice out my views, impose them upon any passing ear just so that i'll have the satisfaction of hearing the harmony in my own voice,

so usually, i just shut my trap

for those who wants to talk, keen on pushing the boundaries of freedom of speech, albeit with certain disclaimers, go on, no one's stopping you,

but don't make me talk, or judge me because i don't

keeping quiet doesn't mean i'm apathetic, it means that i don't want to talk, just that, simply

must every discussion be an intellectual discourse on an issue that is boggling the community, must every conversation be meaningful and serve a greater purpose,


i prefer talking about birds who shit on shiny cars, i want to engage in a discussion about the merits of talking till the wee hours in a dingy coffeeshop about girls, i want to indulge myself in a topic concerning the lack of support for peppermint chocolate chip ice cream in your average mamak shop, i want to go on and on about fuckers who steals or try to steal other's stuff, about other fuckers who let themselves get stolen, i want to answer the ultimate question - why i can't eat maggi chilli without going red in the cheeks and scrambling for the ice tray,

while these topics seem mundane and dull at least they are real and mean something to me

chill, maybe it's just the heat getting to me  ¶ 2:46 am 0 comments

  the problem with holidays

""i rather have a life full of mistakes than a heart filled with regrets"" inxs band competition hopeful


probably that's what we're all striving for, a heart that is empty of regrets - i wanna be 50 and say that my regrets are little or better, none,

chill,

it's the holidays anyway  ¶ 1:42 am 0 comments