selfish i looked at the mirror
i saw myself
i looked at my eyes in the mirror
i saw someone else's eyes
staring back at me

those eyes are cold
they're tired
from long sleepness nights,
from carrying the excess baggage of the mind

them eyes are dry though
the well's dried up
no longer will they be moist
not because the are over the hurt
but because they've drowned
in the strong under currents
beneath the smile on my face

i'm smiling as i shaved this morning
but it wasn't for me
just so that when i step out of the shower
they will be distracted by my smile

so that my eyes, they will not see  ¶ 11:39 pm 0 comments

  feet went to two different outlets to get myself a cheapo pair of boots - for my regular once every leap year football games,

but, my feet are the wrong size i realise

they're too big for the largest kids size,

and i certainly can't feet into giant size of 12 which they keep putting out

guess have to play tomorrow in my old-school boots - by that, i really mean old school boots,

good luck to my heels  ¶ 7:42 pm 0 comments

  desperado Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin no youger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time'
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're loosin all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin, but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late

4/17/1973 - eagles   

  ¶ 7:32 pm 0 comments

  seinfeld i've spent too much time watching the series  ¶ 6:56 pm 0 comments

  schoo of seduction heard from a friend who was asked by a girl to go watch a movie with her
he later found out that the movie was passion of christ, and will be screened at her church

talk about underhand, below the belt attempts to try a conversion

well it surely smells like it,

i fond out yesterday, that polygamy only works ideallly when it is assumed that the man is this nobel character who like a knight in shiny armour, takes another wife, to provide her with a roof over her head, financial security and all that,

wow,

i mean, i believe man did all that, in the good old days, in the days of the old testament probably,

but now?

i think the main reason pple marry more than once at the same time is down to pure lust, and wanting to fulfill it legally,

call me a cynic, but

i really would like to meet such a man, and shake his hand and tell him wow you have a tongue that slithers faster than a snake,  ¶ 10:02 am 0 comments

  dry ran out of ideas
sigh  ¶ 9:55 am 0 comments

  confusing confusion

   
portia to bassanio

  I pray you, tarry: pause a day or two
      Before you hazard; for, in choosing wrong,
 
      I lose your company: therefore forbear awhile.
      There's something tells me, but it is not love,
 
      I would not lose you; and you know yourself,
      Hate counsels not in such a quality.
      But lest you should not understand me well,--
      And yet a maiden hath no tongue but thought,--
 
      I would detain you here some month or two
      Before you venture for me. I could teach you
      How to choose right, but I am then forsworn;
      So will I never be: so may you miss me;
      But if you do, you'll make me wish a sin,
      That I had been forsworn. Beshrew your eyes,
      They have o'erlook'd me and divided me;
      One half of me is yours, the other half yours,
     Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,
     And so all your.
      O, these naughty times
      Put bars between the owners and their rights!
      And so, though yours, not yours. Prove it so,
      Let fortune go to hell for it, not I.
 
      I speak too long; but 'tis to seize the time,
      To eke it and to draw it out in length,
      To stay you from election.

  ¶ 9:48 pm 0 comments

  the trouble with having nothing to do is you write stupid posts, like i have been doing since i don't know when,
you leave dumb messages at other people's blogs
u eat small st michael tartlets that goes straight to the heart
u finish watching csi on television, even though you've already watched it and you think that the show will never run another season
you restart on the book you started reading eons ago, for me it is hotel honolulu - i can't seem to get through the middle - i've read the end, but i always get stuck in the middle, god knows why
you think of everybody that you love, you used to love, you want to love, and then you realise, there're not many
you begin to contemplate getting off your butt and take a walk, but you make silly excuses that the haze is polluting the air and your royal nose will block up with just a sniff
you eart the tartlets again, but now u decide to make your heart work harder - in between mouthfuls of tart, you gulp down chocolate milk blended with ice cream,
then you think some more,
but you realise , your brain's given up
well my chocolate milk's almost finishing, and i need some more munchies, maybe i should go down get some stuff,
but lazy to go down, cause need to put on presentable clothes,, later the crystal jade crowd will get a free show of me walking to 7-11 in my seluar katok
sheesh
i looked into the fridge, there's only persimmons and lime juice and bits of ten year old kit kats,
now, where's the katok  ¶ 10:49 pm 0 comments

  of coming back from behind, fake boobs and a funny feeling well,

i saw two goals today before leaving, and of cause, just like murphy had predicted, i missed three more,
but cheers to the team for showing gutso and character to come back from behind

oh well,

i know we are getting a bit to old for this kind of conversation, but wouldn't it be great if everyone of us knew exactly what to say at the exact moment we want to say it to someone who we really want to say it too,

i'm never a talker, words fail me even when my life depended on them,

thus, i'm a great believer of more than words, -- the cheesy extreme song from the early nineties, cheesy but so, so true,

i rather let anything i want to say be said through the act of my self, my actions and everything else not associtaed with words,

i mean you can lie with words, but you can't lie using body language - u can't fool someone when you're laughing but your eyes are crying, and your broken heart is reflected in your crooked smile,

which reminds me of maroon five

"I don'’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved
She will be loved"

it has been a good weekend, i hope yours wasn't too bad yah banana ice cream person :)  ¶ 11:53 pm 3 comments

  the day i became numb a dad, a mum, a sister and a brother passed away today, i realised with horror on the way back home, that i didn't really cared for them - didn't really matter to me that lives were lost prematurely,

for me,

it was just another day at work - i mean it is really just another day at work, but i think i'm beginning to stray towards the end of the path that says "less human" - away from the end where the sign says "more human"

it's scaring me,

cos, i don't want to be desensitized

i know it's really emotionally tiring to be sensitive to everyone i meet,

but really, i rather be tired than more of a lesser person  ¶ 12:00 am 0 comments

  the trouble with liking curry puffs

is you can't seem to have enough of those potato filled pies simmered in oil delicacy, wonder how it'd feels to eat until one starts to feel bloated, i've tried ten shots of it before in one setting, but i only succeeded in having an extra space for a milo dinosaur, i think my tummy's capacity is twenty, so i'll just have to try to satisfy this gluttony

being a good guy

is that it's beyond your control - everyone just wants to be your friend and when you want to bitch or be angry at anyone, you sorta stop yourself before you go over the limit and actually hurt anyone, i need some evil pills from the man to overturn the 999s into 666s,

not going home too late at night

is that you'll only reach home in the wee hours of the morning, and such you'll wake up later in the morning feeling the perfect hangover from the prevous night's sinful delights of mee goreng and countlless green teas with kaichin and you want to sleep again, - usually, that's no trouble , but like today, when you sleep and miss the first race of the season where schumi's ass got kicked, you feel exactly like a total ass

cheating the espn pr the previous year

is that you will not get invited to the pool championships anymore, sigh

not having anything to do on a sultry hot sunday afternoon

is that you don't have anything to do on a sultry hot sunday afternoon


  ¶ 5:06 pm 2 comments

  giving and receiving the basis of any relationship is essentially giving and receiving,
no one will ever sustain a relationship without a balance of either,
of cause, maybe someone patient can give and give and give without receiving
and still be patient enough to give some more, in the hope of receving what he hopes for in the future,

this argument belongs to the idealistic man,

i prefer to stand on the side of the realistic man now,
before, i was like a piece of paper, i'll travel wherever the wind of the heart blows me to, i like being light, without baggage,

until a sudden storm blew me onto the side of the fence that says cynic meadows, where the scarecrows are horrid and not even the crows want to risk your company  ¶ 12:08 am 0 comments